


shut your mind off and let your heart breathe

by buddiebuddie (positivelystisaac)



Series: white house AU [10]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, And introducing.... FBI Director Athena Grant, Diaz Family Feels, Domestic Fluff, Honestly just one big fluff fest at the end, M/M, President Evan Buckley, Protective Evan "Buck" Buckley, Special Agent Eddie Diaz, White House AU, Worried Eddie Diaz, no beta we die like men, once again chris and buck are besties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-02-23 13:10:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23645269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/positivelystisaac/pseuds/buddiebuddie
Summary: "And why not?” Eddie demands.“Because I said so,” Buck snaps.Maddie groans, pausing with her hand on the doorknob as she turns to face them. “Evan, please. You’re the leader of the free world. Use your words.” she says, completely exasperated. Then, “Eddie, I don’t think we pay you enough.”Threats made against President Buckley are part of the job. Threats made against Eddie Diaz, though? Not so common. To say Buck was handling it well would be the overstatement of the century. In fact, it'd be a straight up lie.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: white house AU [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677313
Comments: 52
Kudos: 380





	shut your mind off and let your heart breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Set about 3 years into Buck's presidency, and Maddie and the team know about Buck and Eddie. Inspired by these two prompts, in addition to an overwhelming request for more Christopher content: 
> 
> From Rebecca- There’s an assassination plot against Buck, but the assassin knows that to get to Buck, he’ll have to take his best agent out first-Eddie. (Rebecca, I just used the general idea of this concept for this story- I have more coming based on this prompt so stay tuned!) 
> 
> From spnrocks2005- I'd love to see something where Buck is able to sneak away to the Diaz household and they have a lazy afternoon/evening watching movies and playing games, enjoying the company and bonus points for couch snuggles.
> 
> title from "don't leave" by snakehips and mo

Special Agent Eddie Diaz has heard all sorts of crazy things in his weekly FBI briefings. I mean, really, you name it, he’s heard it. He’s been a Secret Service Agent for five years now, three of which he’s spent as the Special Agent in Charge protecting the president of the United States. He’s seen some shit, to put it lightly. Not much surprises him anymore. 

Which is why it’s so strange that today, when he takes the manila folder from FBI director Athena Grant and opens it up, his eyebrows nearly fly off his face. There, in size 12 Times New Roman, are the details of how the FBI infiltrated a group plotting to kill the president. 

That in itself isn’t the shocking part. Although the rage still bubbles beneath his skin at the mere thought, his skin itching as he forces the fierce protectiveness down long enough that he can be professional, threats on Buck’s life are part of the job. Several times a year, the FBI loops the Secret Service in on investigations of credible threats. Each time, Eddie puts his game face on and they handle it, and each time, though he’d never admit it, he falls apart as soon as the door closes behind him at the end of the day. Threats against Evan Buckley are part of the job. Threats against Eddie Diaz, though? Not so common. 

“What exactly are we looking at here?” Bobby says, his voice pulling Eddie out of his thoughts. Eddie looks up, laying the case file flat on the table as his eyes meet Athena’s. 

“Well,” she begins. “The group in question has been deemed a credible threat against POTUS.”

“So why’s my name on here?” Eddie asks. “And why am I listed as the primary target?”

“Ah, yes,” Athena opens up her own folder. “Turn to the second page and you’ll see a log of the communications between group members. Take a look at the second highlighted item.” 

Eddie and Bobby share a look before turning to the right section in their respective files. _ His main agent has made it clear time and time again that he’ll stop at nothing to keep him safe. Take a look. Our only chance at even getting close to POTUS is taking him out first. Eddie Diaz.  _

Below that message are links to what Eddie assumes are videos of him working, protecting the president during outings. He glances over at Bobby, who looks just as perplexed as he feels. 

“I mean, how credible are we talking?” Eddie finally asks. 

“Very,” comes her response. “But, we’ve been playing the long game on this one. We have two agents deep undercover who have infiltrated the group. We’re ready as early as today to move in.” 

Eddie knows this is her way of asking for a Secret Service agent to join the team making the arrest. He nods. “Do it. Take Wilson.” 

“You sure you don’t want the honors?” Bobby asks. He glances over at Athena, and can see she’s struggling to hide her relief that it won’t be her husband running into a room of assassins. 

Eddie shakes his head. Buck has meetings outside of the White House today. On the off chance something slips through the cracks with the arrest and one of these lunatics attempts something, Eddie doesn’t want to be anywhere other than by Buck’s side. “We’re off site today,” he says. “I’d rather we stick with POTUS, as long as you’re cool with it.” Plus, he knows Hen will love nothing more than getting a chance to use her cuffs. 

Bobby nods. “Absolutely.”

“Hey,” Eddie says to Bobby as they step into the hallway. “Not a word of this to Buck.”

When Buck emerges from the residence to make his way to the West Wing and start his day, Eddie is nowhere to be seen. Neither is Bobby. He remembers Eddie saying something about an early meeting when he slipped out of bed earlier, sneaking into the halls of the White House before the sun came up. 

What’s surprising is that neither Hen or Chim are standing in for Eddie and Bobby. Instead, Agent Bosko is standing at the doors waiting for him. He frowns. “Where’s Agent Wilson?” he asks by way of a greeting. 

Bosko shrugs. “I heard she’s on loan to the FBI for the day.”

“Aw man,” he says playfully. “Someone trying to kill me again?” 

“Guess so,” she replies. “It’s classified, so I don’t know more than that. Though word on the street is they have a hit out on Diaz first. ” 

Buck stops in his tracks, spinning to face her. “They have what?” he demands. 

It feels like the air’s been sucked out of his chest, nothing but a racing heart and a pit the size of Texas left behind his ribs. His jaw sets, lips pressing into a tight line as he processes her words. He plays them over and over in his head, hoping he heard her wrong or perhaps missed a  _ just kidding _ at the end. But then she repeats herself and nope, he heard her right the first time. Crystal clear, actually. 

He’s silent the rest of the way to the cabinet room for his first meeting of the day. He bites his tongue the whole way there, trying to keep the anxiety at bay. He just needs to see Eddie, and it’ll all be fine. It’s safe inside these walls, and it’ll all be fine. As long as Eddie’s here and Buck doesn’t let him out of his sight, it’ll all be fine. It’ll all be fine. It’ll all be fine, Buck repeats to himself as they make their way into the room. Bosko stops at the door while Buck enters the room. It takes everything in him to swallow down the uneasiness and put a smile on his face to greet the members of his cabinet. He keeps his eye on the door the entire time, waiting for Eddie to appear and tag Bokso out. Just before the end of the meeting, he does just that, appearing silently and holding the door open for her to step into the hallway. 

Buck lets out a deep, shaky breath. He knows he can’t say anything, can’t let Eddie know he heard what’s happening or else someone’s getting fired for spilling classified information. And really, he’s grateful for whomever’s loose lips let it slip to Bosko, or else he’d be in the dark right now. 

“Good meeting?” Buck asks as they make their way out of the cabinet room and into the corridor. The cabinet meeting lasted three hours itself, and Eddie only showed up a few minutes before its close, meaning he must’ve been in his own meeting for at least four hours. 

“I guess.” Eddie shrugs. 

“Must’ve been important if I wound up with Bosko,” Buck says, voice low so no one else is able to hear him. “You’re gonna be making that one up to me for a looooong time, Special Agent Diaz.”

Eddie cracks a smile at that. “For the record, I told them to give you Chim. I know how you feel about her.” 

“But she’s a good agent,” Buck says, clearly impersonating Eddie. 

Eddie rolls his eyes. “She is and you know it.”

“Jury’s still out,” Buck replies. “What, pray tell, left me graced with her presence for so long?”

“Had to follow up on some stuff after the briefing this morning,” Eddie chooses his words carefully. It’s not a lie by any means, but it’s not the full truth either. The full truth, of course, being that he spent the last two hours in the control room with Athena and Bobby, watching the live body cam feeds of the team taking down the group of assassins. They’d been apprehended just a few miles away in Maryland, dozens of agents rolling in and shutting the whole operation down. As Eddie sat there, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, he worried the entire time. Not for himself, but for Buck. 

Hell, he’s in the Secret Service. His heart beats each day behind the comfort and safety of 9 mm of government- issued kevlar. Buck’s does not.  And not that Eddie doesn’t trust his agents wholeheartedly, but the thought of not being the one beside him anymore – the thought of Buck’s life potentially being in the hands of someone else– well, it just didn’t sit right. Frankly, he was a mess at the thought of it alone. 

He chewed the inside of his lip, eyes set firmly on the monitor before them. The words “All suspects in custody,” brought him more relief than he ever could have imagined, as they crackled over the communication system. When Athena turned to him and said “Alrighty then. Threat neutralized,” he let out a breath he’d been holding since opening that godforsaken folder. 

He can’t say any of that, though. Buck has a job to do, has a country to lead, has people to serve. His schedule is packed today. Eddie can’t weigh his thoughts down with this crap, can’t throw this emotional burden onto his already-full plate. Especially not since it’s been handled. 

So, when Buck replies “Anything exciting?” Eddie just shakes his head. 

A door slams from somewhere behind them. Buck doesn’t even think before he’s yanking Eddie to the ground with him, covering his body with his own. 

“What the hell?!” Eddie grumbles, looking around. Between the silence in the hallway, the lack of chatter in his earpiece, and the look of pure confusion on Bobby’s face from where he stands at the door to the Oval just feet away, he’s able to confirm his initial belief that there’s no threat. He stands up, yanking Buck up with him. His face softens as he sees the panic in Buck’s eyes. “You okay, Mr. President?” 

Buck stiffens at the formality, despite knowing they can’t be anything but professional in the middle of a White House hallway at 11 a.m. on a Wednesday. Anyone could be in earshot at any time. While Eddie’s voice is rigid and lacks any sort of expression, his eyes tell a different story. They’re filled with worry, his jaw set tight as he searches Buck’s face for any explanation for what just happened. Buck says nothing, just nods. 

Eddie isn’t satisfied with that, but has no other option than to follow Buck as he keeps walking. He glances over at Bobby, who just shrugs. Buck’s next meeting is waiting for him in the Oval, which means the rest of the morning passes like molasses in summer time as Eddie waits impatiently for a chance to get Buck alone for a minute so he can ask him what the hell happened. 

When the last meeting of the morning has drawn to a close and the last visitor has left, Maddie steps into the Oval Office. “Hey,” she says, plopping down on the sofa across from the one where Buck’s still sitting. “You all set for the EEOB this afternoon?” she asks, referring to his afternoon of meetings in the nearby Eisenhower Executive Office Building. Buck nods in response, stifling the groan he so desperately wants to let free. He’s exhausted, what with the increased workload of his re-election year, his jam-packed schedule today, and the emotional toll of this new threat weighing on him. 

“Okay, great,” Maddie says, eyes set on whatever she’s typing on her phone as she speaks. She glances up at Eddie before returning to her phone. “We’re using the tunnels, not the motorcade, yeah?” 

“Yep,” Eddie says. “We’re all set.”

“Actually,” Buck cuts in. “You can sit this one out, Eddie.”

Maddie snaps her head up at that, just as Eddie opens his mouth to protest. 

“I am very much not going to  _ sit this one out _ ,” Eddie replies, making air quotes around Buck’s words.

“You are,” Buck says, matter-of-fact. “It’s not up for discussion.”

Eddie and Maddie share a look. “Buck,” Maddie begins. 

“No,” he cuts in, holding his hand up. “Find another agent.” 

“Lover’s quarrel?” Maddie raises an eyebrow, looking between the two of them.    
“Hardly,” Buck says, just as Eddie says, “Not that I know of.”

“Eddie, you’re not coming this afternoon. Period.” Buck pockets his phone, standing up. 

Eddie scoffs. “I don’t think so. My agents, my decision.” 

“I’m giving you the afternoon off.” 

“No thanks.”

“Non negotiable.” The cold edge to Buck’s voice sends Maddie to her feet. 

“I don’t think I need to be here for whatever this,” Maddie says, motioning between the two men “is. So I’ll see you in the tunnels in an hour.” 

“See you soon, Maddie,” Eddie says. 

“No, you won’t,” Buck snaps. 

“And why not?” Eddie demands. 

“Because I said so.” 

Maddie groans, pausing with her hand on the doorknob as she turns to face them. “Evan, please. You’re the leader of the free world. Use your words.” she says, exasperated. Then, “Eddie, I don’t think we pay you enough.” 

Once the door closes behind her, Eddie steps into the adjoining presidential study, where there are no cameras. Buck gets up and follows him wordlessly. 

“What the hell is going on?” Eddie demands. “Let’s start with that stunt you pulled in the hallway this morning.

“I have a lot to do,” Buck says, stepping around him to get to the desk. “Can you let Bobby know he’ll be running point this afternoon?”

Eddie swears he actually, literally, sees red. “Knock it off,” he hisses. 

“Your president gave you an order, Agent Diaz.” 

“Don’t you dare.” Eddie puts both hands on the desk, leaning forward into Buck’s personal space. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on.” 

“Nothing’s going on,” Buck insists. “I was just startled earlier, is all.”

Eddie shakes his head, not satisfied with that one bit. “It’s me you’re talking to,” Eddie says quietly, stepping around the desk. “Lose the act.” 

Buck sighs, running a hand over his face. Eddie reaches out, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

Eddie can practically see the anxiety radiating off him, can feel it buzzing beneath his skin, can see him fighting it with each breath. He doesn’t miss the way Buck absolutely melts into the feel of Eddie’s hand on the back of his neck. 

Buck has a lot of bad habits, Eddie thinks. He sneaks cigarettes when he’s drunk and thinks no one’s looking, never remembers to plug his phone in before bed, always steals the blankets, and has an affinity for sugary breakfast cereals that just won’t quit. But topping the list has to be how he holds his fears inside, packing them up in neat little boxes and tucking them away in the deepest parts of his brain. He masks them with smiles and laughs and excuses, and fights like hell to keep the lid on them, tries as hard as he can to keep anyone who might unearth them at arm's length.

“Baby,” Eddie says quietly, running his thumb over the nape of Buck’s neck reassuringly. “Let me in. Please.”

“I just thought you could use the afternoon off,” he says. “Let someone else risk their life leaving the White House today.” 

As the words cross his lips, everything clicks into place. Realization dawns on Eddie in one fell swoop. He can’t believe it took him this long to realize. “The FBI briefing,” he sighs quietly. “You know,” he says, more of a statement than a question. 

Buck nods. The armor he’s had up all morning falls, the fear breaking free of it’s perfectly compartmentalized box and becoming real with the admission. It tears through him. “I don’t want you to die,” he whispers, his voice cracking on the final word. “I really don’t want you to die.” 

Eddie sighs, stepping forward so there’s only a few inches between them. “Look at me,” he says, Buck bringing his gaze up from the floor to meet Eddie’s eyes. “No one’s dying. Okay? They were arrested this morning.” 

Buck relaxes at that, lets a breath go he wasn’t aware he had been holding. “And even if they weren’t,” Eddie continues. “I am really good at what I do. Really, really good. You’re safe. I promise.” 

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” Buck says. “They wanted to take you out, Eddie.”

“I know what I signed up for.”

“Maybe so,” Buck replies. “But what about me? What about me, Eddie? They want to kill you! How am I supposed to be okay with that?” He’s practically yelling now, emotion overcoming him as all of the day’s pent-up fear and anxiety finally make their way to the surface. 

Eddie doesn’t have an answer for that. When there are threats made on Buck’s life, Eddie goes into overdrive. He’s all too familiar with the fear-anxiety cocktail, how it takes everything in him to fight it off and keep it from consuming him. And while he’ll stop at nothing to keep the man he loves safe, he admittedly hadn’t considered Buck feeling the same way when roles are reversed. 

“They want to kill you to get to me. It’s my fault your life’s on the line. My fault you could die. My fault Christopher might not have his dad by the end of the day.” His voice breaks. “I’m not… I’m not okay with that.”

“Hey,” Eddie says quietly, taking Buck’s face in his hands. “Stop that.” 

When Buck looks up, there are tears in his eyes. He’s chewing on his bottom lip, chin shaking as he tries to hold it together. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Eddie says. “I mean it.” 

“But–” Buck cuts in. 

“No buts,” Eddie states. “I’m never going to put either of us in a situation where there’s even the slightest possibility of that happening. You know that.”

Buck closes his eyes, taking an uneven breath. “I know,” he says, nodding again. “I know, I just hate that this is part of our lives.” 

“Me too,” Eddie admits. “More than you know.”

“When this is over,” Buck says, referring to his tenure as President, “We’re going to buy a big plot of land in the middle of nowhere. Somewhere where no one can bother us.”

“Yeah?” Eddie likes the sound of that. 

“Yeah,” Buck nods. “We’ll build our dream house from the ground up. We’ll have dogs running in the backyard and a playset for Christopher and a vegetable garden. We can sleep in on Sundays and drink beers on the porch while the sun goes down. It’ll be stupid, boring domestic bliss.”

“Keep going,” Eddie says. His heart picks up more and more with each word, the thought of this type of life with Buck and Christopher stirring up butterflies in his gut. 

“We’ll sell our vegetables at the farmer’s market to soccer moms in overpriced leggings and we’ll light sparklers in the driveway the Fourth of July and we’ll spoil Chris rotten and we’ll be so, so happy.” 

Eddie’s heart squeezes in his chest. He’s not sure how much more of this he can take before he literally melts into the floor. He leans in, their lips meeting in a long, slow kiss. “There’s nothing,” he says, pressing a quick kiss to Buck’s lips. “Nothing,” another kiss. “I want more than that.” 

Buck’s eyes light up. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Eddie nods. “But for now, I have an idea.” 

Which is how Buck’s schedule winds up cleared for the afternoon and he finds himself waiting in the back of one of the armored SUVs, double parked in front of Sidwell Friends School. He glances up at where Bobby’s sitting behind the wheel, both of them sitting in a comfortable silence while they wait for Eddie. “Did you know someone wanted to kill Eddie?” Buck asks after a moment. 

Bobby nods. “I did.”   
“And you weren’t gonna tell me?” Buck cracks a smile, smacking Bobby on the shoulder playfully. “Damn, Bobby. That’s cold.” 

Bobby laughs. “He swore me to secrecy.”

“Of course he did,” Buck says. He wants to be annoyed, but all he feels is deep, overwhelming love for the man currently bounding down the school’s steps, his son in his arms. The two of them are laughing as they make their way to the car. 

Christopher’s eyes light up as Buck rolls the window down and shouts “jailbreak!” When Eddie suggested they clear his afternoon schedule and bust Chris out of school a few hours early in favor of movies and cereal on his couch, Buck couldn’t say yes fast enough. 

“Bucky!” Chris exclaims, practically throwing himself into the president’s arms the second Eddie manages to get the door to the backseat open. Buck wraps him in a tight hug. 

“Oh, this is just what I needed,” Buck says, his arms still wrapped around Christopher. Eddie’s grinning at the two of them from where he sits in the passenger seat as Bobby pulls out onto the street. 

Chim and Hen (back from her exciting morning with the FBI) are waiting at Eddie’s apartment when they pull up, having already swept the area and deemed it acceptable for Buck to enter. Buck pulls them both in for a group hug the second he sees them standing outside Eddie’s door. “I love you guys,” he says. “I love you always, without conditions. But I really,  _ really _ love you today for making this happen.”

Chris plops down on the couch between Buck and Eddie, resting his head on Buck’s arm as they scroll through the Netflix offerings. As soon as they came inside, Eddie tossed Buck a tee shirt and a pair of sweatpants, refusing to even entertain the idea of him sitting around in his three piece suit all night. Buck had pulled them on eagerly, silently reveling in the way they smelled like Eddie. 

Eddie drapes his arm across the back of the sofa, hand resting on the back of Buck’s neck as Chris curls into the space between them. Buck relaxes into Eddie’s touch. He looks over at Eddie, a soft smile playing on his face. He mouths  _ thank you,  _ to which Eddie replies,  _ I love you.  _

Eddie, for the life of him, couldn’t tell you what movie they wound up turning on. He misses just about all of it, far too consumed with stealing glances at his two boys curled up together. 

He doesn’t miss the way Chris looks up at Buck with wide eyes to whisper questions about the film, or the way Buck smiles down at him each time, running a hand over Christopher’s head, smoothing out the unruly hair absentmindedly. 

Three movies, a few rounds of Super Smash Bros and far too many bowls of cereal later, the sun has long since gone down. Eddie stands up, nudging Christopher’s arm affectionately. “Alright, dude. Bedtime.” 

“Can Bucky tuck me in tonight?”

It happens again, Eddie’s heart squeezing in his chest so tightly that he  _ for sure _ thinks he’s going to explode. Eddie glances over at Buck, whose eyes are aglow. 

“Hell yeah,” Buck says, all but leaping off the couch. “Let’s do it.” 

Eddie stands at the door to Christopher’s bedroom, leaning against the door frame as he watches Chris hold up a well-loved copy of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. “Dad always reads–”

“One chapter before bed,” Buck finishes his sentence, glancing up at Eddie with a smile. He lowers his voice, crouching down to Christopher’s level and stage-whispering, “Did you know your dad told me it’s the best part of his day?”

Chris shakes his head. 

“I have a feeling it’ll be the best part of my day, too,” Buck says. Chris breaks into a world-record grin at that. "Let's see if my suspicions are true." 

Eddie can’t resist pulling out his phone and snapping a picture of the two of them, Chris in his pajamas and Buck in one of Eddie’s old Secret Service academy tee shirts as they sit side by side in the twin bed, the book between them as Buck reads aloud quietly. His eyes linger on the shirt stretched across Buck’s chest. Eddie feels a stirring low in his gut when his eyes land on the word DIAZ embroidered on the left breast, right above the Secret Service seal.

He sends the picture he just took to Maddie, who responds immediately with six heart-eyes emojis in a row. 

Buck finishes the chapter and closes the book, standing up off the bed and tucking Chris beneath the blankets. He sits back down so Chris can give him one last hug, and Eddie comes over to say goodnight before crossing the room to turn off the lamp in the corner. 

As Buck stands up, Chris looks up at him with those big blue eyes of his. “I wish you never had to leave.”

Buck sighs, ruffling the hair on top of his head. He glances over at Eddie, who might as well be the human incarnation of the aforementioned heart-eyes emoji with the way he’s looking at the two of them. He presses a kiss to the top of Christopher’s head, then says, “Me, too, buddy.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :)  
> as always, i'd love to hear any prompts for what you'd like to see in this verse (or even outside of it!)  
> leave a comment and let me know!


End file.
